Are you just a few weeks away from heading down the aisle? Excited? Well... Congratulations! Now that you are planning the wedding, have you planned the marriage as well? Similar as they may sound, planning a wedding and planning a marriage are two different things. As different as a day and a lifetime! So, before you actually say I do to the special someone you have decided to spend the rest of your life with, maybe you need to ask yourself (and your fianc) some tough questions. We reckon its best to read the small prints first before you jump in and gear up for a mighty ride! Makes sense? So, here we have a list of five most important things you absolutely must discuss with your fianc including children, career and who will be doing the dishes every Friday nights!
Once you have planned on becoming a family, the next step will probably be about deciding how big you are planning to grow together. Do you want children? How many? How long do you want to wait before you have the first one? God forbid but if things do not work out as expected, would you consider adoption or fertility treatments? These are difficult conversation to make before wedding but it gives you a better insight about the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and what plans they have about their life and whether both of you are compatible regarding important facets that makes up a marriage. It is, however, okay to disagree on how many kids you are planning to have. As circumstances change, you will find decisions changing too. The bigger question will be: How flexible you and your partner can allow yourself to be? How far are you ready to adjust for the other person's happiness?
2. Career and Finances:
Some of the biggest arguments in a marriage are usually regarding finances and career choices. How about talking it out now, to avoid arguments later? Do you want to keep a shared account or individual accounts or both? What should your money strategy and saving goals be? Are both of you willing to put a certain percentage of income towards shared bills? On the same note, it is best to discuss your career plans as well. How committed are you to your careers? What personal sacrifices are you ready to make for your career? What if one person is out of work or decides to stay home and raise the kids? How do you plan to afford such an important financial decision?
Since most people grow up in families where money is never openly discussed, it is all the more important to get talking about this particularly complicated topic. And while you are at it, it would be best to discover who owns how much of debt and what are their plans of overcoming it!
3. Family obligations:
It will be imprudent to think that once you get married, your families will never interfere in your lives. You are so wrong! Interfering is their birthright and they shall have it! The only difference is now instead of having one family, you have two! But let's look at the brighter picture too you are two instead of one as well! However, that equation is a little trickier than you think. So it is best to know what changes to expect once the wedding gets over. How much time do you expect to spend with either family? Will both sets of parents get equal time with your kids during vacations? Are you ready to give your spouse complete support even when the entire family is against their views in certain matters?
4. Division of labour:
Now for the most important time-table assignments! Since ladies have been donning suits and going to work, it is imperative guys don an apron and cook sometimes! Besides, a guy stuck to the sofa in front of his laptop is hardly interesting. So who takes care of the laundry while the other gets the cooking done? Better negotiate and come to an agreement before you get married than getting stuck with cleaning toilets that you so absolutely, completely, fervently hate to do!
Since inter-faith marriages are becoming frequent, it is necessary to address faith and beliefs of your spouse and how it might affect your own beliefs and lifestyle. If your religion and faith is important to you, how important is it for you that your partner shares the faith and practice with you. If you plan to have kids, what faith would you like them to follow?
If there are other questions in your mind which you consider to be of significance to you or your spouse, it is best to talk them out. Difficult conversations pave path to a much more understanding relationship. The idea is to know whether you will stay strong as a couple if life throws curve balls at you. If the answer is a resounding, confident YES, well... we wish you a beautiful life of togetherness. Stay blessed!